What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

TEXT:

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Where are the big girls? This is the first time I've seen a bigger lady boy and that's awesome .. you should post more of them here, nothing wrong with a thick black lady

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Make Nazis afraid again!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Why do many modern Hollywood films rely heavily on CGI and visual effects instead of actual sets? What is your opinion on this trend?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Hillary thinks we must censor or "we lose total control". Why does she demand total control?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Is Daenerys Targaryen really the most beautiful woman, or is everyone saying that just to flatter her?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Do handsome guys intimidate women or people in general?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

My girlfriend told me that she wants to move in with me. I have my own apartment and I like my peace and quiet, but I also love her. We've been together for a year now. What should I do?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why are American women so ugly nowadays?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

What are some fun/kinky things to do with your partner?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Has anyone tried bestiality and been caught?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Who is Meghan Markle and why is she so controversial on the Internet?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.